so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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