im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
