i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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