what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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