I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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