I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
