I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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