I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
