wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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