Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
