using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
