ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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