I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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