yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
