Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I lost the right to judge tonight
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
