I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
id be glad to
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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