in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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