We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
