Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
