New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
