I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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