Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
