Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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