We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
