Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
