I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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