he was CRYING into my vagina
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
