Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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