You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
