Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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