I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
