I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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