You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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