I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
