so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
