Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
