Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
