hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
