i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
