I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
