I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you had me at cake vodka
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
