xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
