I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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