Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
