After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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