saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
