I wish i was in the wii world.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
