And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
