Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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