Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
